Traveling Light

On the road and on the wagon

Mon Jan 22, 11:00 AM ET

Travel question of the week

Dear Rolf,

I've enjoyed your writings for some time now, and wanted to set out on my own travels, but I have a "limitation": I'm a recovering alcoholic with 13 years clean and I was wondering if you could give me any advice concerning dealing with social situations where booze and drugs are part of the culture. I wouldn't travel with the aim of insulting people, but I'm not out to go on an intercontinental bender. Any tips?

— Brian, New York

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Dear Brian,

You ask a great question, since travel is by nature a social endeavor, and alcohol is a social lubricant in every part of the world.

It shouldn't be too hard, however, to have socially rich travels while still staying "dry."  In some places, such as North America, most of your hosts will understand and respect your desire to avoid alcohol.  In other places, such as Muslim and Hindu lands, avoiding alcohol is a religious virtue, and tea or coffee is the primary social drink.  For this reason South Asia or the Middle East might make great destinations for you (not only to avoid awkward drinking situations, but because these places are culturally rich and famously hospitable).

There are some parts of the world, however — and I'm thinking of East Asia and Eastern Europe in particular — where drinking is such an ingrained part of the culture that it might be difficult to continually turn down alcohol.  In these situations, it's best to just tell them you're allergic to alcohol.

Admittedly, this will be somewhat of a lie — but it will be very effective, especially if you can improvise a few details (such as "dangerously swollen glands" the first time you took communion, or example, or a "near-death experience" at a junior high keg party).  Your hosts will click their tongues and commiserate about your "allergy," but they probably won't force any drink on you.

One additional thing to consider in these social situations is how comfortable you can remain when everyone else is getting drunk.  Can you teetotal when other people are drinking?  Can you spend lots of time hanging out in bars or nightclubs without drinking?  If not, you might want to avoid drinking situations altogether.

Since alcohol is such a popular diversion among travelers themselves, you might consider traveling with other teetotalers from time to time — or at least keeping in e-mail contact with a sponsor or support community back home.  That way you can stay grounded in your decision not to drink (or use drugs), even if everyone around you doesn't understand your situation.

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Comments

Join the discussion. Here you'll see the comments in the order they were posted.

1
Dear Rolf, I am a vegetarian who gets very sick if I get any meat, fish or fowl, in any way, shape or form. I have started telling people I am allergic to these items and it works all over the world! If people think it's a "choice" they'll add chicken broth, fish flakes, fish sauce, meat stock, gelatin, etc., and think it "doesn't matter." When I'm up all night sick, believe me, it matters, and because I get sick, it isn't a "choice." Using "allergy" will certainly help the non-drinker, too, and I don't think it's even a little white lie. There will be no static, only concern and help in avoiding the allergen. Also, please tell your readers that AA has branches and meetings all over the world, that they can be located through one's local AA group, and are not only a source of support but of local contacts and non-drinking social life! Weight Watchers offers the same international service, and I'm sure many other fine international groups do the same. Yours, C.Y.
Posted by svwhitelotus on Mon, Jan 22, 2007 2:22 PM ET
2
I am a memeber of AA and I just want to say that I am very disturbed by your advise. You do not advise a recovering alcholic to lie, first of all. We work a very honest program, and it is never ok to tell lies to avoid an uncomfortable situation. Also, we are taught that we do have an allergy to alcohol. Our bodies do not react the way "normal" people's do, and it is a kind of allergy. Science likes to argue this fact, but lets face it science likes to argue with everything. We do no avoid tempation. And frankly if this man has 13 years of sobriety, he should first of all have developed quite a few coping mechanisms to deal with temptation by now, and he should certainly know the futility of asking someone who is not alcoholic for advise on his condition. Talk to your sponsor, not some man on the internet Brain.
Posted by naresssa on Wed, Jan 24, 2007 6:24 PM ET
3
Dear Brian and Rolf, With a little further exploring in the Big Book Text of Alcoholics Anonymous one will find a direct reference to allergy. Alcoholism is a disease recognized by the American Medical Association and our bodies do respond differently to alcohol than normal people. One of the first things that I do if I am planning a trip is to check the directory for meetings across the US. The US is divided into segments and each state has a Central Office, copies of the directory can be found there if ones home group doesn't have one. There are also world directories where one can find meetings and listing of contact people all over the world. The World Services office in New York City has the information for international groups and meetings. Yes, staying in touch with one’s sponsor and support group is important. And one can usually find a meeting just about anyplace if one is willing to look. Recently we had a fellow from Texas arrive at one of our meetings and he was genuinely pleased to find that he felt right at home at our meetings and people welcomed him and gave him their phone numbers for support. Hopefully this will be a help to Brian and also for yourself Rolf. Rolf you might want to consider contacting one of the Central Offices for further information in case someone has a similar question. Best to go to the experts in the field. And Alcoholics Anonymous is filled with such people. Sincerely, Breece
Posted by cb_mcclure on Thu, Jan 25, 2007 11:29 PM ET
4
I agree with the previous post. In fact, who is a Recovering Alcoholic with 13 years clean would depend on a non alcoholic to give advice. Alcoholics have fun wherever they go..whether there is drinking or not. I have not found it necessary to drink...in order to make other drinkers comfortable. I will admit that the several times I had a relapse, it was when I went out of town, but isolating in a 'Safe' environment day after day is not healthy. The recovery program is a GOD Conscious Program..and a real alcoholic or drug addict knows when he is in recovery or addiction..as the slip or relapse happens in your head long before anything reaches your body. There are people that get sober in places where drugs are being used. It is not as easy, however, it can be done. This is almost a rediculous question to answer on this forum, because an alcoholic with 13 years probably has gone to several hundred or not thousands of meetings..and there are meetings everywhere. Most successful recoverying addicts/alcholics have tools to use, to stay away from returning to a white knuckle sobreity or getting the heebee gee bees. I have only a little bit of time, but yet I am not going to stay in the house for a year before I travel. a recovery person knows how to stay sober even in an unfamiliar place. WE are powerless over people places and things...and we know what to do when temptation comes
Posted by searchlightsar on Fri, Jan 26, 2007 12:26 AM ET
5
As the Brian whop asked the question above I wish to clairfy that the query was one of COURTESY not how to deal with temptation. Belive me I know. Manners are much more important outside the US than in, and refusing a drink froma a host can be seen as an insult, and often a grave one at that. Rolf has much experience with this subject, which is why I asked the question. Read the question a little more before judgement.
Posted by bsmarsch on Fri, Jan 26, 2007 11:20 AM ET
6
Brian, I completely empathize for you. All these AA addicts seem to not have any understanding or compassion for your situation. I too do not drink outside of my home. Even in the US, people give me strange looks and urge me to drink. I just say that I'm unable to drink It's difficult to refuse anything offered by a host, but the easy non-lying way to go get through it is just to say it makes your sick/allergic. I went to field school in Oaxaca, and a fellow student caused much drama whenever she ate because she refused to drink anything in a glass, because she was afraid of getting sick from the water they washed it in. In Oaxaca, only women of ill repute drink straight from bottles, and no matter how much they insisted she drink from a cup, she refused. The rest of us made sure not to make her mistake. If you're traveling in Latin America just say, "Gracias, pero me hace mal" which means "Sorry but it makes me ill". Have fun trekking Brian, and stay safe.
Posted by chusmabilly@sbcglobal.net on Fri, Jan 26, 2007 4:13 PM ET
7
Great Question Brian. I am sober 11 years and travel all over the world. I stay sober by attending 2-3 AA meetings per week at home and I do the same when travelling. If I am in let's say Figi, for more than a couple days, I ask an AA member to be my temporary sponsor. This has led to many "socially rich" experiences. In AA we talk about the difference between being "dry" and being "sober". Sober embraces life without alcohol or drugs in a positive way rather than "dry" is not using alcohol or drugs but not really replacing the high with anything better (and being difficult too). Have a super time traveling and maybe I'll see you around at a meeting in god only know's where. My name is Jeff M and I'm a grateful recovering alcoholic.
Posted by discreetcoaching on Fri, Jan 26, 2007 4:41 PM ET
8
I AM allergic to alcohol and enjoy traveling. In general, I avoid places where it's served. Sometimes, that's not possible. It amazes me that many people can't accept this allergy - I mean, who encourages a former smoker to just smoke a few? Anyway, the trip is not the drink. Just have something nonalcoholic and sooner or later, the conversation moves on to a more interesting subject than your beverage of choice.
Posted by flor41436 on Fri, Jan 26, 2007 6:56 PM ET
9
Dear Brian. Its very clear you are doing something right for you to stay sober 13 years. My only suggestion is really dont ask someone that is not an alcolic about solutions just get yourself a Big book from a local AA group and read it. Brian you're always welcome around the tables so please go to a meeting and find a sponser. You'll be my prayers
Posted by hahakoba on Sun, Jan 28, 2007 9:20 AM ET
10
Brian, I am so glad you responded to some of these comments. They obviously did not read your question correctly. You were not asking how to stay sober, you were asking about different cultures and customs
Posted by dawnmarieb@sbcglobal.net on Sun, Jan 28, 2007 10:56 PM ET